Active Listening Types and How They Lay the Foundation for Coaching Skills.

“The Quality of Your Life Is The Quality of Your Communication”. – Tony Robbins 

In a world where everyone is speaking, presenting, persuading, and performing, one skill quietly determines the quality of all our relationships and our ability to influence, lead and make an impact. It’s communication, and within that skill set, this blog will focus on listening.

As professional coaches know, listening is more than just hearing words. It is an intentional act of being present. It happens when we pay attention to sound, and it’s when we hear something with thoughtful attention and consideration.

Coaches are taught about the 9 different types of listening.

 The nine types of listening are: 

1. Discriminative
2. Informational
3. Selective
4. Sympathetic 
5. Comprehensive
6. Empathetic 
7. Critical
8. Reflective and 
9. Appreciative

Each type serves a different purpose in our communication, all helping us to enhance our understanding and build relationships –  key to building rapport with our coaching clients.

In the context of a coaching conversation, listening is often described as one of the most fundamental competencies. Yet its value extends far beyond the coaching profession. Leaders, partners, parents, colleagues, and friends all benefit from the ability to truly listen. It is through listening that trust is built, understanding deepens, and meaningful change becomes possible.

As the philosopher Epictetus once said:

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

And yet, many of us do the opposite.

According to communication research, we spend nearly 70% of our day communicating, and around 45% of that time is dedicated to listening. Despite this, genuine listening is rare. Too often, we are preparing our reply while the other person is still speaking, interpreting their words through our own experiences, or simply waiting for our turn to talk.

Active listening approaches demand something different from us. It requires us to pause, to observe, and to become curious about what is being said, and perhaps more importantly, what is not being said.

Active Listening Types as a Coaching Competency

Professional coaches understand that listening is not passive. It is a disciplined practice.

In coaching conversations, listening involves paying attention not only to the words spoken but also to tone, emotion, silence, body language, and subtle shifts in energy. Often, the most important message is not spoken directly; rather, they appear between the lines.

Listening deeply enables coaches to ask better-quality open questions, challenge assumptions, and support clients in discovering their own insights.

This competency is a powerful skill for everyone to practice in everyday life, never more so than for leaders. When leaders develop coaching skills – particularly active listening approaches – they create environments where people feel heard, respected, and valued. This is where engagement and trust grow.

A leader who listens well does more than manage performance. They enable growth.

Why Listening Matters 

When we listen effectively, several important things happen.

• First, listening shows support and respect. It signals to the speaker that their thoughts and experiences matter
• Second, listening allows space for reflection. When people feel heard, they often clarify their own thinking as they speak
• Third, listening helps build rapport. Trust rarely grows through instruction alone; it grows through understanding
• Finally, listening allows us to ask better questions. When we truly understand someone’s perspective, our responses become more thoughtful and relevant.

These elements are essential not only in coaching conversations but also in leadership, teamwork, and personal relationships.

When people are truly listened to, they often experience what is known as the three H’s:

• Heard
• Held
• Hugged / Healed / Helped

To be heard means that someone feels their words, ideas and emotions have genuinely landed. They are not being interrupted, judged or rushed. They feel that what they say matters.

To be held means creating a safe emotional space that promotes healing. The listener does not try to fix, advise, or take over the conversation immediately. Instead, they stay present, calm and supportive, allowing the other person to explore their thoughts and feelings more deeply.

To be hugged does not necessarily mean a physical hug. It is the feeling of emotional warmth that promotes healing; it offers reassurance and human connection that comes when someone feels understood and accepted. We all remember conversations where we walked away feeling lighter, calmer and less alone. That is the power of feeling ‘hugged’ through listening.

For example, imagine an employee saying to their manager: ‘I’m struggling with everything that is on my plate, and I feel like I’m failing.’

A manager who simply replies, ‘You need to manage your time better,’ may solve nothing.

A leader using the three H’s might respond: ‘You’re carrying a lot right now, and I hear you’re feeling overwhelmed. Tell me more about what has been most difficult and how I can help.’ 

In that moment, the employee feels heard, held and helped. This emotional support creates the trust needed for a more constructive conversation

Common Listening Blocks to Active Listening Types

Despite our good intentions, many behaviours unintentionally prevent effective listening.

• One common block is rehearsing. While the other person is speaking, we are mentally preparing our next comment. We may appear attentive, but internally our focus has shifted away from the speaker
• Another block is judging. When we label someone as inexperienced, wrong, or uninteresting, we unconsciously stop listening. Our assumptions close the door to new information
• Derailing is another frequent challenge. This happens when we change the subject because we feel uncomfortable, bored, or eager to redirect the conversation. Sometimes humour is used to deflect from serious topics, particularly when emotions are involved
• Finally, there is dreaming – the moment when our attention drifts entirely. We appear present, but our minds have wandered elsewhere.

Recognising these patterns is the first step toward improving our listening habits.

Practical Ways to Improve Active Listening

Active listening approaches require practice and self-awareness. Even the most experienced professional coaches and leaders occasionally lose focus; we’re all human with a lot going on. The key is learning how to return to the present moment.

One effective approach is to prepare mentally before an important conversation. Professional coaches begin sessions by clearing their minds and focusing fully on the person in front of them. A few deep breaths can help create this mental space – for them and their client.

Visualisation techniques can also help. Imagining a calm and focused state can reduce mental clutter and support attentive listening.

Another important practice coaches do is ask for clarification by paraphrasing. If something does not make sense, asking thoughtful questions will prevent misunderstandings. Clarifying questions demonstrate genuine curiosity and ensure that the conversation stays aligned with the speaker’s perspective.

An example would be: if a colleague says, ‘I feel frustrated because I keep sharing ideas in meetings and nobody seems to respond,’ you might paraphrase by saying, ‘So, if I understand correctly, you are not only frustrated that your ideas are not being taken forward, but also that you do not feel acknowledged when you contribute.’ This gives the speaker the chance to confirm, clarify or deepen what they mean and shows that you are truly listening

Equally important is observing non-verbal cues. Facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice often communicate emotions more clearly than words alone.

Silence, too, plays a powerful role. Pausing gives the speaker time to reflect and encourages deeper insights to emerge.

Mark Twain once captured this idea beautifully:

“If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.”

Listening can happen at nearly twice the speed of speaking. The additional mental space allows us to process what is said, reflect on meaning, and notice what may remain unsaid.

Listening as a Leadership Advantage

In today’s complex and fast-changing environments, technical expertise alone is not enough. Leaders must be able to navigate diverse perspectives, manage uncertainty, and build strong relationships, which is why they are increasingly adding coaching abilities to their skill set.

Coaching skills -especially active listening- have therefore become critical leadership competencies.

A leader who listens well creates psychological safety. Team members feel comfortable sharing ideas, raising concerns, and exploring new possibilities. Innovation and collaboration thrive in such environments.

Listening also improves decision-making. By understanding multiple viewpoints, leaders gain a more complete picture before acting.

Perhaps most importantly, listening demonstrates humility. It signals that leadership is not about having all the answers but about creating the space for the best answers to emerge.

Learning the Skill of Listening

Listening, like any skill, can be learned and strengthened through practice.

Whether you are a leader, a coach, a colleague, or a parent, developing coaching-based listening skills can transform your interactions and relationships.

For those who wish to deepen this competency further, working with a professional coach can be an excellent way to build awareness and practical tools.

At the IAPC&M, many experienced coaches support individuals and organisations in developing the essential skills of effective communication, leadership, and active listening.

If you would like to explore how coaching and/or mentoring can enhance your listening capabilities and leadership impact, you can connect with one of our expert coaches through IAPCM.

Because sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer someone is not advice.

It is our full attention.

As Stephen Covey wisely said:

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

Recommended Resource

For a short and insightful explanation of active listening, this video provides an excellent overview:

🎥 TEDx – 5 Ways to Listen Better | Julian Treasure